Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
