i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
