I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
