So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
