she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
