Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
