I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
