Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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