Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
