Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My vagina is officially offended.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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