Someone shit on the floor
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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