I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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