The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
