people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
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We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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