If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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