You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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