Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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