Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

we're chasing vodka with high fives

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(847): View more from Illinois

Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.

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(+44): View more from England

Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.

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(631): View more from New York

There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12

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(901): View more from Tennessee

He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.

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(305): View more from Florida

I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.

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(251): View more from Alabama

you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...

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