what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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