My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
