The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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