Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize