Me. At least after what I've been through.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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