I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
being pregnant is like rehab
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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