I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
