Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
