Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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