Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
