im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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