A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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