I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i out mim tonsoeep
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