Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
