ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
