Pants 0. Shit 1.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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