rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
