my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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