I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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