she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
