goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
