I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
