Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I am morally bankrupt
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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