So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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