So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
