Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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