I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize