As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
