Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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