Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
