her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
