you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Umm I'm too high to move.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
