You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize