i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I have vodka in my lungs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
