at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Its about making memories worth repressing
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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