hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
