It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
