Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
