i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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