bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
