His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize