apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
