Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize