he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
